Oceans (Our Ocean of Love)

The moment I had been waiting for… The moment that I had prayed for… it had arrived. An ocean of never ending love!

It took longer than I thought, I fought harder with myself than ever before, and when my miracle arrived… it was ever so sweet!

My life was changed completely in one moment, in a blink of an eye. For so many years I yearned for this miracle, for this sweet child of mine. I prayed so much for a child that there were times I felt God’s ears grew deaf to me. It was in the waiting that I learned to trust God when I only had an ounce of trust to give. Those moments when God asks you to trust Him when all odds are against you, the moments when you have nothing more, the moments when you have to finally just… surrender.

After 6 years of trying, the last year before Gwyneth was conceived, I finally surrendered. As a matter of fact, it was right after the last Blog Post I made entitled “I Believe” that I conceived Gwyn. You need to read my blog on December 29th, 2012. Talk about a testimony and God working at that very moment! All of a sudden things began to fall into place and I didn’t even realize what was going on. God was directing my paths, making them straight and I was diving into the deepest part of the Ocean discovering wonderful things about life and it’s treasures. There were so many new things happening in my life, I wasn’t even focused on the problem, I was focused on the prize. Little did I know, I dived into a never ending Ocean of love!

On February 1st 2013, my husband and I found out we were pregnant! I seriously took 4 digital tests because I was so elated and afraid at the same time. The day before we found out I was pregnant, Chris’ grandmother Joan had passed away. She was a beautiful God fearing woman, with so much grace! She took me in as a grand-daughter so lovingly, I enjoyed spending the time I could with her when we visited Connecticut. God works in ways we can’t imagine. He was preparing us and even though it took what seemed to be a long time, I’m grateful that God waited till we were mature enough to handle a child. That doesn’t mean we know everything, there are so many new things to learn in this “parenthood”.

There are times I look at my daughter and I just Thank God for her, it brings me to tears to see a miracle in the flesh! Her sweet innocence, her little beautiful self, with so much spunk and spark! Let me tell you, if you read my previous blog post, I mention about a grand entrance… yes that definitely happened. Hahaha! She was a week late and I had to be induced, I was then in labor for 44 hours until she was forced to arrive. Definitely not my birth plan but an emergency c-section had to happen after her heart stopped on us 3 times during those 44 hours and I had to be given Oxygen each time. I was so tired and drained but it was the best thing to happen to me to see my precious baby girl!

She is a ball of fun, yes demanding at times but what child isn’t, as parents we just need to teach them the value of patience right? 🙂 There is so much responsibility on our shoulders as parents and I love learning with Chris and Gwyn. As a family unit we continue to grow and it’s only the beginning. In my previous post I stated “If you are asking God for something and it seems like time is running out, just BELIEVE. When that time does come, it will be like a sweet fragrance. It will pour out from the Heaven’s and the floodgates of God’s blessings will pour out over you.” We definitely received our “sweet fragrance”. 

Another confirmation of our miracle was a scripture God gave me through my Holy Bible app, the day after we found out we were pregnant, the scripture is as follows: “Jesus said to her, Did I not tell you and promise you that if you would BELIEVE and rely on Me, you would see the glory of God?” – John 11:40 How awesome is that? God talks to us in so many ways! I am in awe of Him!

So it’s been a year and some months since my last post. If you feel you haven’t witnessed a miracle before, here is a picture of ours 🙂 (Gwyneth Joan at 6 Months) She is our Ocean of Love!

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Much Love & many miracles to come your way!

-Jen

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I Believe

As we wrap up the year 2012 there are many things we can reflect on… from birthdays to holidays, from tragedies to travesties, and from dreams into realities. This year has come and gone, in a blink of an eye. When I was a child I didn’t understand how time could literally change things. How time could manage to test your patience and create a virtue in you that you just couldn’t do yourself. God allows you this time and it’s up to us to decide how we are going to use it. Will we waste it or make good use of it?

This year has brought life lessons and time has molded me into a woman I never knew was about to flourish into other areas of life. Time holds onto my dreams and time also releases them when God gives the divine order. I could attempt to hold onto time in life both good and bad, or I could flow with time and allow it to resonate a song of peace in my life.

There are many wonderful works God has brought forth before me and I could not be more grateful. I was blessed this year as I continued to grow in the lesson God had placed before me. I can honestly say the greatest life lesson this year for me is to accept God’s Will and move forward. There is no other way to go but up! God has placed me on platforms I didn’t think possible and he continues to bestow life within me. I could boast about the wonderful things God has done but at this time it doesn’t feel necessary to make a spectacle of myself but rather to encourage you.

As I write this, the one thing I wait upon is my children. They have yet to show themselves to the world but if they are anything like me, they will have to have a grand entrance. I accept that God is spending a little more time on them for me, I just need to be patient. Yes at times I hope, at times I pray, at times I trust and at times I cry… but it’s time… it’s time for me to BELIEVE! My husband and I have been trying for 6 years and it only makes my heart bigger for the children that God is going to grant me. I know and believe that one day I will see my children, hold them, talk to them, play with them, fight with them, eat with them, and do everything a mother would do with their child. It’s time for me to truly BELIEVE.

“22 Jesus turned around and, seeing her, He said, Take courage, daughter! Your faith has made you well. And at once the woman was restored to health.” Matthew 9:22 (AMP)

I know God has healed me as my body is surely healing. I BELIEVE.

Whatever situation you are going through. Whatever you are waiting on know that all you have to do is BELIEVE. Sometimes it gets hard to believe and things will come our way that seem to be out of our hands, but all we have to do is BELIEVE. If you are asking God for something and it seems like time is running out, just BELIEVE. When that time does come, it will be like a sweet fragrance. It will pour out from the Heaven’s and the floodgates of God’s blessings will pour out over you.

We have become so impatient because this world does not make us wait for anything. We get FastFood, On Demand (videos), Direct Deposit (not necessarily bad LoL), Instant Access, High Speed, etc… We can’t be patient anymore even with each other. It’s rare that people open doors for each, that people let someone cut them in line, that we stop to say Hello to stranger, that we smile at all…because we are just to busy.

In reality Time hasn’t changed anything, we’ve changed Time. We can blame time for everything that’s gone on in the world or we can take responsibility in making our own mark in “Time”.

So I ask you… What will you do with your Time? Will you waste it or put it to good use?

While you wait for an unanswered prayer… eat, pray, love, and don’t ever forget to live. Live in goodness and bring peace to your home. Don’t allow the world around you to forget who you are deep down inside. Focus on your blessings, wait patiently and keep your head up! It’s coming, it’s coming… I BELIEVE!

 

Love,

Jen

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Awakening II – Mercy Seat

The beat in her chest resonates..with every boom her eyes swell. The tears drop with an unleashed power. Facing the truth, the past dealing it’s cards. As each card is thrown she grabs ahold, of only what she knows, … her faith. The only possibly way to freedom, is faith.

She asks herself…

What is this lump in my throat? As an unpleasant childhood memory releases. A stranger intruding in on a perfect peace. A piece of a child taken, snatched with eyes wide open. What is this quickening in my chest? This beat that just won’t let go?

And then it occurred to her, all along, it was Him. Knocking from the throne. God was knocking at her door. The enemy keeps trying so hard. She hits the floor and the Devil has to work some more. From her birth, a gift. The enemy tried to steal what was hers. Realizing the power she possessed, she’s speechless.

Another resounding boom pierces through her chest. …Boom Boom Boom.. It’s Him! He’s knocking! Calling from the mercy seat, He wants to bless her again!

-JNC

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Life Isn’t That Bad After All

Saw a man, out of his mind

in his own business

couldn’t even tell the time

 

talking to thin air

having a conversation

sitting in a far away chair

 

made me realize

life can only get ahold of you

when you are your own demise

 

with a perplexed face

and nowhere to go

he found a place to sit

 

and he doesn’t even know

he’s bothering other people

just because he showed today

 

half insane, half alive

he sits with a starbucks drink by his side

 

was it drugs or alcohol

was it a cruel tragedy

or possibly the marine corp

 

whatever the reason

it’s a sad state to be in

it opens my eyes

to realize

 

my world, so small

life isn’t that bad after all!

 

– Jen Croce

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Awakening

…In the distance she began to hear a faint muffle just as the sun began to rise with great strength. With beams of light that burst to her attention. Her heart beating to the awakening of her soul, anxiously faster with a rhythm only a lover could hear.

She began to lift her head from a state of solitary confinement. Rising to the souls of her feet, wiping away the dirt that had settled on her worn silk dress. The sound of something greater was ascending. As she built up enough courage to follow the fullness of the light. Walking would only keep her where she was at, it was urgent she get to where she was going. With each step her anxiety began to compile into a beat of it’s own. Her pace quickening with the hope within her. 

Without notice she broke out into a run, her fine hair flying in the wind all the while trying to catch her breath. The streets going by as if her life was passing before her very own eyes. Faces of friends and loved ones, memories playing on the sides of new found buildings. Yet she was oblivious to it all. Her only focus was that of what lied ahead. What could this be that had arose hope in her chest? What could this be that had arose Life within her body? It was as if her very own lover was enveloping her into a realm of awakening love. 

Nothing could stop her now, the muffle began to turn into a clear voice. A whispering of promises drifted through the bright crisp sky of Hope, Love, Prosperity. Promises of protection, freedom, and security. Promises no man or woman could make and keep. She began to recognize who was calling her by name. 

Her run coming to an end, there was no where else to go but on the sandy shore finally to meet a crystal clear never ending ocean. An ocean of endless possibilities.

It was clear, it was audible, it was profound. It was her King!

An awakening took place, an awakening in her soul. The King came to meet her needs, to fulfill the promises He had made and kept. How could she not see it before? It’s easy to get lost in a world that places the blinders on you themselves, even when you’re not asking for them. 

Too many times life jaded her thoughts, her perspective. The reality was that she was living in a world that created an illusion of what her life was and was going to be. She couldn’t see that God was greater than that. That God had created a Promise for her specifically. The judgement, opinions, thoughts of people, stress; they were meaningless. God had to awaken her into a reality that He is God! 

The sun had risen, her soul redeemed, and the light pierced through just as God had promised! Her lover was there all the time, waiting to hold her in His arms. “You are mine” He repeated… “You are mine”. 

The tears streamed down her face as she knelt in the sand, panting as her chest rose and fell to the crash of the waves. The rays of the sun warmed her tired skin. Bowing her head with reverence the sea foam slightly reached her knees, letting her know she was no longer alone. 

“You are mine”… “You are mine”… 

In that moment, in His presence. The world was under her feet, she was on solid ground. With trembling hands, she rose her arms in surrender and at the same time with utter joy. As she reached out toward the sky her body convulsed with an indescribable renewed strength. Power was beginning to be restored within her as her blood flowed with great pride and her heart began to pump as that of a warrior. 

Her journey was not over, this was just the beginning.. the beginning of her Awakening!

-Jen Croce

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Hold Onto Me…

There are three things in life that are certain; Birth, Change, and Death.

We are born, we are constantly changing in life and one day it is inevitable that we will die. Now as a believer in Christ, I can say yes I will die physically. However, I have chosen to live eternally, spiritually. At this age (the ripe age of 28) I have realized that I am past my birthing era. I was born, taught, and now I am an adult taking responsibility for my own actions and making decisions I never thought I would have to make. I’m going through things I never thought I would have to face and living out dreams I never thought would have been possible at this age.

Although I should be speaking about Change in this section, I would rather elaborate on Death right now. I am not worried about dying, although I do have to say; as analytical as I am.. I do wonder how I am going to pass. Then I snap out of it and keep my underwear clean. Something my MamaRuth always taught me, “Always wear clean underwear Jenna, you never know when you’ll end up in an accident and the paramedics will have to cut your clothes off!” Absolutely loved her way of thinking! All in all, death is inevitable and this life will come to an end. There is nothing we can do about it, so it’s important that we live!

When we live, we have to learn to live with Change! My what change hubby and I are experiencing in this season. It has definitely been a lesson that has taught us to be most grateful for the things that matter the most in life; God, family, friends, life, and everything that does not consist of materialistic wants. You see, hubby was let go back in September. It changed our complete way of life! Remember I had asked God to shake up the ground I was walking on in Jan 2011!? I tell you, I just can’t get enough can I!?! I’m still grateful that it did happen though, no matter how rough the road.

…There was silence in the construction zone…

Just as she was accepting what was happening in her life and beginning to deal with it. Just as the dust settled and the bulldozers pulled out of the city. The ground was flat and desolate. Although others would say she was standing alone in the middle of a torn city.. She knew someone else was in charge of this mess. Someone greater than her was opening a “floodgate” while she stood there waiting for the unknown. Little did she know, she was NEXT.

Before the city could be rebuilt, He had to deal with her first. He had to break the walls and barriers inside her before the project could move forward. It was inevitable.. a spiritual death and rebirth was going to have to happen. She could do this the hard way or she could just let Him in. She put on her own hard hat, attempting to control the uncontrollable. Until finally, she crumbled to her knees and surrendered. It was inevitable, a spiritual death needed to be had. The rain began to fall renewing the ground she walked on. A ray of light peeked through a dark cloud that was once placed over her head. And all she could say was “HOLD ONTO ME, DON’T LET ME LOSE MY WAY…YOU NEVER LET ME GO!” …

Change has come and the only way to look at it is positively. Is it easy? No. Is it hard? No. That’s just it, it’s change! It’s been 4 months since my husband has had a job. He has been doing Computer Repair on the side and I have begun furthering my career in Web Design. It’s a change God needed to implement for more reasons than I thought possible! On top of loosing his job he was not receiving unemployment benefits, due to an appeal. Imagine an analytical woman and logical man dealing with this. I’m thinking “What are we going to do? Let me do this.. and that.. if we work this out we can do this.. Okay here’s the plan.. etc..” While the logical man is saying “Okay we are here, we are going to need to make a plan for a. b. c. Reality is.. blah blah” We gave it to God after we finally realized we are only human and it wasn’t in our hands!

So hubby began to fill out every possible application he could! Some contract jobs looked promising, until he would receive an answer saying “We’re sorry but the government is lacking funds for this contract and the position is no longer available”. Blame whatever political figure we want, still didn’t change the fact that hubby was out of a job and his 10 year experience was in those fields (Aviation Analyst).

Needless to say, we had victory over the appeal this month and God has began to open the floodgates! We launched our new company CroceMedia!! facebook.com/crocemedia Chris has a job offer for a Manager position, he is to begin next week! He is the new Pitching Coach for the local HighSchool (Freshmen Baseball). He is doing more Computer Repair and also helping churches with their documentation needs! How awesome is God!?! That right there can only be by God! Talk about opening the floodgates!

Although this change was not welcome, it has definitely been an awesome experience. We are still transitioning but we are more grateful than ever to be where we are at! God continues to provide and has shown us that it isn’t about the material things in life. It’s about the love in life! The love that surrounds you, will get you through anything!! Don’t depend on what you can buy or a life savings, depend on God and he will be sure to meet your needs! He will be sure you are making your investments in the right place and get you on the right track!

So when you feel your life is at a standstill, and your city is on it’s knees… Just trust and believe that God is doing something greater in your life! He has plans that you don’t even think are possible! You can plan your life according to how you see it, but God will always have something better in store for you! We simply can not analyze our situation and blame God. We have to analyze ourselves first and say “Okay God, I accept. Just do what you have to do and I’ll follow. I will do my best and I know you will see me through!”

Much love and good vibes sent your way family and friends!!

-Jen Croce 😉

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Search my heart…Search my soul…

Wow, where do I begin!? There has been tremendous changes going on in my life. From January to now and I know God is not yet finished. He has filled my year with so many changes and blessings at the same time! I can not begin to explain all that Lord has done for our family! Chris and I have learned many new things and have began many new ventures.

In January I asked God to shake up my life and certainly he did. Although I wasn’t aware of how He was going to do it or how I was going to react, I was ready for all things new. And so it began…

He started with my HEALTH…

I was officially diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) in the year of 2007. I was well aware something was wrong with me since the age of 13 but I never put enough thought to take care of it. I took for granted my age and single hood. I didn’t think about children on a mature level until I was married in November 2006. I remember at the age of 13 telling my mother that I felt I was going to adopt a child when I was married, I didn’t understand the reasoning behind my logic. Yet my body was telling me something wasn’t right inside.

In January 2011 my husband and I decided we were going to start trying to conceive. My Doctor told me it was going to take a year or so because of PCOS. She also informed me that my body is more prone to miscarriages and infertility in general. However, she is a Doctor that only God could place in my life. In our talk she encouraged me and instilled faith that God would grant me the desires of my heart. She takes care of me as if I was one of her own children. I could not ask for a better Doctor. Even when I have the smallest worries, they are just as big to her as they are to me!

It has been a journey that I am grateful for. I continue to tread and hike through it all, knowing that God has it all under control! Since 2007 I have gone through Doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds, weight gain and loss and gain again and loss again, medication, roller coaster emotions, lifestyle changes, hopes and doubts, and now finally… I have come to the crossroad of HEALING. At my most recent Doctor’s appointment my Dr had informed me that my diagnoses had gone down from a medical diagnoses to a clinical diagnosis!!! I can only attribute this miracle to God, there is no other that would be able to HEAL me!! I can’t thank God enough for the things He is taking care of in my life! My husband has been the biggest and greatest support in it all, always loving and supporting me. He takes care of me like royalty, just as a true child of a King and I in turn love him just the same! I am happy to say that I believe God is going to grant us our desire sooner than we think. Although pregnancy tests are negative, I know that one day we will see a positive sign! We are waiting patiently and excited for the little Croce’s that God is going to send us one day soon!

Next, God ventured into our SPIRITUAL WEALTH…

There has been big changes in our lives with our church family. We were once apart of an organization that I wish not to name, as it would not benefit myself nor any parties involved. I was born and raised in the said particular organization and appreciate the teachings and preachings. We must always walk away with the good, rather than the bad in any given situation. If for the sake of your own sanity, it must be done. God has taught me not to confine myself to the walls of a building, yet rather to confine myself to Him and Him only!

In 2008 the Lord led us in a new direction, a direction of teaching from Him for the fulfillment of the future He had in mind. The Pastoral leadership I was under from birth to adulthood was Pastor Luciano Montes, he will always have a special place in my life. He was one of the greatest teachers I have ever received good Word from. From 2008 – 2011 we continued to serve at Divine Strength Apostolic Center under the leadership of Pastor Baldemar Rodriguez. We were under his leadership for a total of 12 years. It was a leadership that God knew needed to be implemented in our lives and was also an encourager for me personally in regard to my secular educational studies.

We are more than happy and excited to say that we are now apart of my father’s congregation “Adonai Worship Ministries”. God has fulfilled His plan and we are overjoyed! My father has always had the calling to be a Pastor, being that he was a Pastor’s son God had placed a special anointing over him. In 2008 he expressed to us that we were going to be on a new path and how God was working with Him. The path we are on as a family is incredible. We were all ready and willing and are so grateful that God placed us on this new direction together. Chris and I know that God is calling us to a new level and can’t wait as it unfolds before our eyes. Our church family is beautiful and to see God’s work grow is all the better! If you would like to keep in touch with our church and see our events you can find us on facebook, just click the link:

This ministry is of the people and for the people. There are doctrinal points and holiness standards. Let us not confuse holiness standards with man made traditions. Modesty is key, as defined in the Webster Dictionary 1: freedom from conceit or vanity. 2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct. In the end, it will all come down to your relationship with God, not with man. When we go to Heaven God will not be asking us what we did to further the kingdom of man, yet rather what we did to further His Kingdom!

…Now, he has not just stirred my life… he has SHAKEN IT… just as I asked of Him! He has literally tore the ground up from beneath me and is reconstructing my life! I know there are other adventures that are being completed and yes it is not all peachy keen. However, it is definitely REWARDING! I am so grateful for the purpose He has placed in my life. I am content with all the shaking going on because I know when the dust settles, and the city get’s rebuilt… it’s going to be a BEAUTIFUL THING!

For He searched my heart and searched my soul… He is answering my prayers one by one. His timing is perfect, my impatience creates a mess but He is creating a masterpiece out of it all!!

When the bulldozers in life start coming around, (and yes there will actually be people driving them that you wouldn’t think would be behind the wheel…) start putting on your work boots because it’s time for reconstruction. It’s time for your new creation in God! Fear will set in but take ahold of your courage and build on it!

-Jen Croce 😉

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